Kabhi-kabhi zindagi insaan ko itna kuch dikha deti hai ki uske baad uska shor khatam hone lagta hai. Pehle jo baatein samajh nahi aati thi, aaj wahi sab dheere-dheere bilkul saaf dikhne lagi hain. Logon ke chehre, unki baatein, unka apnapan, unki meethi muskurahat — sab kuch ab pehle jaisa seedha aur saccha nahi lagta. Shayad isi liye aaj main yeh mehsoos karta hoon ki samjhne laga hu logon ki fitrat, tabhi sabse dur ho chuka hu.

Yeh doori gusse ki wajah se nahi aayi. Yeh kisi ego ka nateeja bhi nahi hai. Yeh doori asal me ek gehri samajh ke baad aayi hai. Jab insaan baar-baar dhokhe, swarth, dikhave aur badalte chehron ko dekh leta hai, tab uske andar ka bharosa dheere-dheere halka padne lagta hai. Phir wo har kisi ke saath khul kar rehna chhod deta hai. Wo har rishta bachane ki koshish karna chhod deta hai. Wo bas dekhna, samajhna aur phir chup-chaap thoda peeche hat jana seekh leta hai.

Pehle mujhe lagta tha ki jo log paas aate hain, wo apne hote hain. Jo pyar se baat karte hain, unke dil bhi saaf hote hain. Jo rishton ki baat karte hain, wo unki kadar bhi karte honge. Lekin waqt ne ek-ek karke bahut saare bharam tod diye. Maine dekha ki har muskurahat ke peeche sachchai nahi hoti. Har apnapan ke andar wafadari nahi hoti. Har saath chalne wala insaan dil se saath dene wala nahi hota.

Kuch log sirf tab tak tumhare paas rehte hain jab tak unhe tumse koi fayda hota hai. Kuch log tumhari roshni me chalna chahte hain, lekin tumhare andhere me tumhara haath chhod dete hain. Kuch log tumhari khamoshi ko samajhne ke bajay uska apne hisaab se matlab nikal lete hain. Aur kuch log sirf tumhari zindagi me isliye aate hain taki dekh sakein ki tum unke kis kaam aa sakte ho.

Jab tak insaan masoom hota hai, tab tak duniya use bahut seedhi lagti hai. Use lagta hai ki jo wo mehsoos karta hai, shayad duniya bhi wahi mehsoos karti hogi. Lekin jaise-jaise samajh gehri hoti hai, waise-waise insaan ko ehsaas hota hai ki har dil uske jaisa nahi hota. Har niyat saaf nahi hoti. Har rishta rooh se nahi hota. Tab insaan tootkar nahi, balki samajhkar badalta hai.

Main bhi shayad ab wahi badlav jee raha hoon. Ab main har kisi se ghulna-milna nahi chahta. Ab main har baat par react nahi karta. Har jhooth ko pakadkar uska hisaab nahi mangta. Har dikhave ko be-nakab karna zaruri nahi samajhta. Kyunki ab mujhe yeh samajh aa gaya hai ki kuch cheezon ka jawab behas nahi hota, bas doori hoti hai.

Kabhi-kabhi log sochte hain ki jo insaan sabse dur ho gaya hai, wo shayad ghamandi ho gaya hoga. Lekin asal me har door ho jane wala insaan ghamandi nahi hota, kuch log bas thak chuke hote hain. Wo thak chuke hote hain baar-baar apni sacchai sabit karte-karte, baar-baar dil se nibhate-nibhate, aur phir badle me sirf dikhawa, swarth ya bewafai paate-paatte. Aise me insaan bheed se nahi, be-maayne rishton se dur hota hai.

Mujhe ab tanhaai buri nahi lagti. Kyunki tanhaai kam se kam jhooth nahi bolti. Khamoshi dhokha nahi deti. Akelapan apna rang baar-baar nahi badalta. Insaan jab logon ke beech rehkar bhi andar se akela mehsoos karne lagta hai, tab use samajh aa jata hai ki asli sukoon bheed me nahi, apne andar hota hai.

Ab main har jagah apna dil nahi rakhta. Har kisi ko apna sach nahi batata. Har rishta apni rooh se nahi jodta. Kyunki maine seekh liya hai ki har koi tumhari gehraai samajhne layak nahi hota. Kuch log tumhe sirf utna hi samajhna chahte hain jitna unke matlab ke kaam aaye. Aur jab tum unke hisaab se chalna band kar dete ho, tab unka apnapan bhi dheere-dheere kam hone lagta hai.

Log kehte hain, “Tum pehle jaise nahi rahe.” Haan, shayad main pehle jaisa nahi raha. Lekin iska matlab yeh nahi ki main bura ho gaya hoon. Iska matlab bas itna hai ki ab main samajhdar ho gaya hoon. Ab main chehron ke peeche ki fitrat padhne laga hoon. Ab main baaton ke andar chhupi niyat mehsoos karne laga hoon. Aur jab insaan fitrat samajhne lagta hai, tab uska har kisi ke saath waise hi reh pana mushkil ho jata hai.

Isliye haan, aaj main yeh maanta hoon ki
samjhne laga hu logon ki fitrat, tabhi sabse dur ho chuka hu.
Yeh doori meri kamzori nahi hai. Yeh meri khamosh samajh hai. Yeh meri apni rooh ko bachane ka tareeka hai. Yeh mera wo faisla hai jahan maine duniya ko badalne ke bajay khud ko bachana zyada zaruri samjha.

Aur shayad zindagi ka ek sach yahi bhi hai —
har baat samajhne ke baad kehna zaruri nahi hota,
kabhi-kabhi chup ho jana hi sabse gehra jawab hota hai.

Ab har chehre par bharosa nahi hota,
ab har rishta apna nahi lagta.
Logon ko samajhne ke baad bas itna seekha hai —
khud ke sukoon ke liye kabhi-kabhi sabse dur ho jana padta hai.

RAHUL | MYSTIC | WAY

My Notes from Within (internal – category)

Rahul Mystic Way — Inner Space (external – Pinterest)